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It’s pitch black. I can’t see a way out. I’m tumbling through the dark crevices of my mind and drop to a maze. The only discomfort is the barrage of voices that keep echoing, not leaving me alone. It’s a cacophony. I can’t stop these echoes. I can’t help but listen to them and each sentence is a lance through the heart. So I listen to it while stumbling around this dark unseeable maze looking for the switch to turn OFF these voices.
“Do what you’re told.”
“She never does what she’s told.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Don’t do this.”
“Don’t be like that.”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Don’t overact.”
“Don’t show attitude.”
“Just listen.”
“Sumne bandid hudganna teppige madve agu.”
“Jaasti aadbeda.”
“Neen hakidre oota madalla.”
“Yenaru maadkond haalag hogu. Nangen agbeku.”
“Helid maate kelalla.”
“I will not come to your marriage, ashte”
“Adeno ppa, yeenu helalla. Ad yav lokadalli irtaalo.”
“Avlige ishta bandhange maadtaale.”
“Neen yaake hang ande?”
“Neen yaake hang madde?”
“Ninige sariyagi friends madkolakke baralla.”
And the final nail to the head...
“Neenu engineering togondididre…”
“Nodu avrella hengidaare…neenu engineering togondididdre, aramagi US alli kelsa sigtitta”
I can’t breathe. I’m suffocating with all these words thrown on me, these “expectations”, these lists of how to’s and should-to’s… My adult self is crumbling away, unable to handle these pressures. In the end, I’m just a sobbing mess on the floor - wishing my tears would turn into an ocean large enough to drown me and take me away.
And who can forget the gaslighting that tags along with these scathing words like bioluminiscent plankon that the waves carry ashore...
“There’s nothing wrong with you. Stop being dramatic.”
“What’s wrong in your life? Stop complaining about these baccha stuff”
“Be grateful for all that you have in your life."